Parent Guilt Wk#3 – True Presence

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As parents, we often guilt ourselves about whether we are spending enough time with our children and giving them the right life balance. But as believers, we can be freed to focus on presence over perfection.

Intro: What if we stopped working about being the perfect parent and just worried about being the present parent?

Key Verse for Today: 1st John 4. 18Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19We love each other because he loved us first. )

1) Understanding God as our FATHER

The ATTACHMENT cycle – https://youtu.be/nIhATiiM-Pw

Luckily our brains are still malleable – So much so that if we are wounded in relationship, we also heal through relationship.

As parents that are trying to model our parent then we MUST SHOW UP. 

According to leading child brain development researcher (and Christian) Bryan Post, there are only two primary emotions: love and fear (Heather T. Forbes and Bryan Post, Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love Based Approach to Helping Children with Severe Behaviors, vol. 1 [Boulder, CO: Beyond Consequences Institute, LLC, 2010], 3–20). 

Anger is actually a secondary emotion. The anger always points to a more primal emotion underneath: fear.

Ultimately, our children need our presence with them.

Love builds toward connection and fear moves away from connection.

2) Do you have “SHARK music”

“Proverbs 22:6… Train up a child in the way he should go…. (PBH version)  but be sure you go that way yourself”

Closing  – Are we creating opportunities for CONNECTION?

When I want to correct my kids with harshness: – A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Prov. 15:1)

When I want to lecture them:Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (James 1:19–20)

When I want to make them make me look awesome:Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Phil. 2:3–4)

When I find meeting their needs to be an imposition:Then the righteous will answer him, saying, “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?” And the King will answer them, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” (Matt. 25:37–40)

When I want credit for how hard I’m working as the mom:But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. (Matt. 6:3–4)

When I don’t want to extend forgiveness for their offenses:Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Eph. 4:31–32)

When I’ve completely lost sight of the forest for the trees:And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. (2 Tim. 2:24–26)

Parent Guilt Wk#3 - True Presence - Innovation church

May 22, 2021

May 22, 2021

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